*edit 18/08/2023* this was originally a post just for subscribers, but I’ve decided to make it publicly viewable/shareable thanks to the great response!
This morning, I recorded a podcast about business visibility (out in a couple of weeks, I believe). It was partially to do with my work with The Enthusiast & Co and partially to do with my work with Eleanor Mollie, which both, in different ways, deal with being more yourself.
As part of this conversation, I mentioned my fear of going viral — and it really is a sweating, heart-palpitating fear. I’ve actually experienced it once before, when a bunch of wonderful, brilliant, but ultimately instagram-famous people shared my Happy To Move For You badges, and my phone overheated and turned itself off thanks to the sheer action it was getting (I was on holiday in Croatia at the time and had to take a moment to cry in the rain outside — when a newspaper reported it, the journalist misheard me on the phone and reported that I had to do some crochet in the rain to calm myself down 🤪). At its heart, this was a gorgeous moment that showed that there are lots of amazing people out there, and the world isn’t always a terrible place — but I still walked around for the next few days feeling like I’d been flayed, raw and exposed.
It’s a particular and peculiar feeling of narcissism that follows going viral (whatever that means for you). Are those people staring at you because you’ve spilled ice cream down your top? Or are those people staring at you because they know who you are? Are those people even staring at you at all, or are you imagining it?
There’s a meme going round at the moment about having three drinks on the go at any one time. On Sunday, I was sat in a café near me, writing my sample chapter (oop!!! 🤫) when the guy next to me ordered not three, not four, but five drinks, all at once. Who was this absolute maverick? I knew the girlies would go wild for this, so I took to instagram stories to let them know: but I didn’t take a photo of him, or even of his drinks. I just took a photo of my table, with my laptop setup, and overlaid the important information on top.
Great Ellie, thanks for explaining how instagram stories works, you’re thinking. There’s a point, I promise. It reminded me of a post I made in January 2020 — before I’d found my brand style, it’s safe to say, and definitely before I’d paid the wonderfully talented Dom to make me look professional — which said, simply: DON’T TAKE PICTURES OF STRANGERS AND PUT THEM ON THE INTERNET.
It struck a nerve on the 9th January 2020, and it struck a nerve when I reposted it yesterday.
It’s one thing to go viral for something you consciously put out on the internet, as I did — it’s entirely another thing to go viral for just being who you are. As someone with a loud voice and an expressive face, it’s something I worry about constantly — how many photos am I in the back of? How many group chats am I in, being made fun of? How long will it be until — and I do feel it’s a matter of when, not if — I come across a TikTok of me, filmed from afar, doing something I consider not out of the ordinary, with comments ripping me to shit?
I don’t have a solution, unfortunately: other than never going outside again, or never doing anything ever again (a la YOLO by the Lonely Island.) But at least you know you’re not alone, if this is something that worries you too — and that there are so many people out there who promise not to do it to you, too.
Here’s a little window into what I’m enthusiastic about at the mo…
01 lusting after
this level of romanticising my life in everything I do
02 currently reading
I just finished Romantic Comedy by Curtis Sittenfeld (affiliate link), and I’m not ashamed to say I spent most of it imagining it could be about me and Andy Samberg.
03 wishing I wrote
Jackie Adedeji’s first Substack — sign up to this expeditiously.
04 whipping up
oat and raisin cookies. I know they get a bad rap compared to their chocolate chip counterparts, but there’s something so delicious about them! Justice for oat and raisin cookies!!!!
05 listening to
Is it 2010 again? Boys Like Girls have just released a new song…whaddya think?