I don’t mean to brag, but I think I was thinking about my values long before it was cool (and definitely before I knew that was what it was).
Back in school, when we thought about our futures (a topic I’ve written about here and here), I couldn’t think of one particular thing I wanted to do at the expense of all others. Sure, I loved writing, but did I want to be a writer, full stop? Yes, I loved events planning, but did I want to be a wedding planner, end of?
Its not that these things aren’t worthy or enough on their own, of course — it’s not even about those jobs at all (these were just two of the ones at the forefront of my careers conversations at school.) Though I couldn’t place it at the time, thinking it was just that I hadn’t found The Right Thing For Me yet, my discomfort was more about the idea of doing just one thing.
I think the reason this understanding was so out of my grasp was because in other areas of life I love stability. I thrive in routine (which I only really came to terms with when I decided self-employment meant I could wake up whenever I wanted, before realising that actually, I found the days of looser timeframes and later starts were actually less fulfilling.)
And yet, when thinking about the future and what I wanted to do with, as Mary Oliver put it, my wild and precious life, no One Job jumped out at me.
Instead, it always came back to a phrase, which I kind of adopted as a secret mantra:
“Doing good shit with good people.”
(Shoutout to for inspiring that quote graphic style)
Why a secret mantra? Because it felt silly and impractical and ultimately, not useful — it wasn’t a roadmap or a goal or anything concrete I could use to measure my progress. It was just my gut reaction when people asked what I wanted to spend my time doing. (In fact, it wasn’t just my gut, but my heart, my chest, my whole soul too.)
But as time’s gone on, I’ve realised that actually, this is something I can use to help guide me — by checking whether opportunities I’m offered or choices I’m about to make align with it. Does what I’m doing serve this mantra? If not, I’m probably not going to do it.
Of course, the conversation around careers has changed massively in the decade (!!) since I was at school, thanks to brilliant people like
. But even with the idea of multiple hyphens being more mainstream (though still not completely across the board understood) I still felt like my mantra was a little flat. I felt like it still needed more substance, more brilliance, more legs.I only realised I’d finally made peace with it when I read a brilliant interview with Issa Rae by
in PORTER Magazine. The piece ends with Issa saying “I really just want to have a good-ass time with the people I love”, and Otegha remarking “And who can argue with that?”Ultimately, this is what I want to do. I want to do good shit with good people, making a positive impact on the world but having a damn good time whilst doing it. And though sometimes I yearn for more concrete direction, it still sums up the beating heart of everything I want. And what’s wrong with that?
Have you got something similar that you use? I’d love to know what it is if so! Feel free to share in the comments :)
What a beautiful mantra, Ellie!
Mine is "Having a positive impact on the way people feel (while I have fun)". It helps me to stay focussed on doing meaningful work that I enjoy.
Love this! I have lived by this quote by Harold Whitman for almost 20 years: “Don’t Ask What the world needs, ask what makes you come alive, because what the world needs is people who have come alive” 🤩 still does it for me baby!